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Brought to you by The Tuesday Iffers:

If you had to forgive one person who wronged you in your lifetime, who would you choose and why haven’t you already?

That is a tough one for me. I think there are probably three people in my life that I bear ill feelings for. I suppose if I had to pick one, I’d pick Felicia.

Several years ago, my parents had some problems. My mother was into drugs, parties and bad people. So I asked to go live with my Father. I soon found out that the grass wasn’t greener. Aside from the fact that my Dad and his current wife were both drug users too, his wife was extremely abusive to me. She would beat me with whatever was nearest her hands. She reprimanded my Dad for not having a heavier hand. On a weekend visit to my Mother’s house, I explained the situation and begged her to give me away. In the end, they did give me away, but not to a stranger.

Felicia, was an old girlfriend of my Mother’s. She lived several states away for many years, but they kept in contact via correspondence and the occasional visit. Felicia agreed to be my legal guardian. So, at 11 years old, I took a Greyhound bus across the country to go live with Felicia. Everything started off great, but I soon realized that it wasn’t going to stay that way. Felicia had very high standards, as a parent should. If you didn’t meet those standards at all times, there was going to be trouble. I can remember being dragged out of the school yard by my hair. I also remember being hit in the face until my lips were bloody and swolen and I couldn’t go to school the next day. I also remember giving up. I wasn’t going to tell my Mother, I wasn’t going to tell anyone. I had to face the fact that this was as good as it could get. Truth be told, I had some very good times and learned some valuable lessons with Felicia. I can forgive her for her anger. I can excuse her rage as being a mental condition.

I went home to visit my family for a few weeks each summer and if anyone asked, I said that I was very happy in California. I was happier with a parent that was there. A parent that watched my study habits, encouraged me to participate in activities, pushed me hard to be a better person. She did lose control and when she lost control, she REALLY lost control, but it was better than the alternative. About 3 years later Felicia sent me home for my summer visit. However, my two week visit turned into three weeks. I then found out that Felicia was pregnant. My three week visit turned into four and so on. Then before my Mom was able to tell me that Felicia didn’t want me to come home, my brother’s dad let the message slip while my Mom was out of town. I spent the entire weekend in tears, because yet another parent didn’t want me.

I forgive her rage, but to this day I have a hard time forgiving her dismissal of my love and emotions.

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