Too Early For Tears

The flood gates have opened and it is much too early for this. I told myself that I wouldn’t cry until Monday. I wanted my last couple of days at home to be joyful…let work endure the heartache…not my family. Best laid plans, eh? If I distract myself, I’m fine. Fortunately, the recent updating of this blog has helped to offer a distraction. But if I stop for one moment to think about going back to work, the tears come.

Now, I’ve managed to depress my husband. He feels bad because he thinks that he should be the one working and I should be the one at home with Gabriel. I was afraid he’d start feeling that way. He shouldn’t. We got to this place together. We knew we didn’t want to do daycare…or at least keep the daycare time at a minimum. So, long before we were pregnant he took a job working nights. I made more money, so it just made sense that he would make the change. It has worked well. He has a night job which more than suplements our income and he spends his free time keeping the house clean, groceries bought, laundry done, etc. Really, both Gabriel and I couldn’t ask for a better situation.

This will be hard, but everything will fall into place in a few days.

…and hubby – don’t be hard on yourself. We’ve got a good thing going on here. When I cry all I need is your love.



  1. otto said,

    May 2, 2005 at 12:52 pm

    My thoughts are with you today, fl0w3r. I hope things will be ok. It’s too hard to have to leave the little one for even just a short time. They grow up so fast and – well, I’m not making you feel any better. Sorry. But know that my thoughts are with you…… and there couldn’t be a better person to be with Gabriel (if not you) than his daddy, right?

    Take care, my friend.

  2. Jenifer said,

    May 2, 2005 at 6:16 pm


  3. Jenifer said,

    May 2, 2005 at 6:23 pm


  4. Daisyhead said,

    May 2, 2005 at 8:45 pm

    It gets easier. Going back to work after my son was born wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. Taking him to daycare a month ago was really hard. I hated (and still do) the fact that he spends more time with our daycare provider than he does me. I feel guilty and like I’m doing him wrong.

    But it’s all a part of growing. Some day our boys will be heading off to school and then on their first dates and then off to college. Then before you know it, we’ll be sitting in the front row at their wedding wondering where the time went. That’s why we need to just enjoy what we have now.

    Gabriel will be okay and will grow up to be a happy well adjusted son. He is lucky to have you for his Mommy.

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