Yes, sir. Yes,sir. Three bags full.

Last Tuesday night my brother-in-law brought over three garbage bags full of toys that my nephew decided he had outgrown. Gabe picked through them enough to find a motorcycle that kept him happy for hours. I think he went to bed with it that night.

Wednesday morning, I dumped all three bags out on the kitchen floor to see what was in there that Gabe could have now and what was worth keeping for later. It looked a little something like this:

(Just a note to PETA and or the humane society, Tigger was never in a garbage bag.)

 If I’ve learned anything from watching cable home improvement networks, when organizing a room or project, you sort items into “zones.”  So I began separating the toys into specific zones while Gabe supervised:

In order to properly organize all the toys, the zones were laid out as follows:

Toys Gabe can have now:

Toys Gabe can have later

The “army men” zone:


I realized this zone was much too politically incorrect.  So I tossed in an Indian a Native American to represent minorities and the Yellow Power Ranger to represent women. 

As is tradition in my family, these brave men and woman will give their lives on some future independence day.  Making the ultimate sacrifice on a battlefield littered with various types of fireworks.  But their lives will not have been in vain.  Somehow, throwing firecrackers at them and tying them to bottle rockets teaches children the importance of the July 4th holiday and what it truly means to be an American. 

The Power Rangers zone minus one Yellow Power Ranger (see above):

The Jackie Chan zone (which was one of the more lonely zones):


During the process, Gabriel created his own zones.  He didn’t give too much thought them, as they were inconveniently located on my computer desk and on the dining room table.  Which was no where near the rest of the zoning project.  But his enthusiasm and attention to detail was appreciated nonetheless. 

The “cars Gabriel wants to play with right now” zone:

The Motorcycle zone:

Now, I don’t usually like to make political statements on this website (usually, I make them in person), but the undeniable brutality of action-figure-war will not be ignored.  Those of you with weak stomachs will want to skip this part…

As you can see, the robots are first in battle and suffer the greatest casualties.  Robot limbs are strewn across the site of this now forgotten war zone.  But it’s not just the robots.  No, no.  Human casualties must have numbered in the thousands.  And a close examination exposes that even Angels and Demons were not immune from the tragedy of action-figure-war.  Also for some reason Lando Calrissian, who appears not to have been injured, was shrunk and left for dead.

In the end, Gabriel and I agreed on four zones, as follows:

The clear plastic storage container houses all the figures we’re going to blow up on some future Independence Day (unless Gabe decides to keep any of them). I can’t wait. 😀 This box has been labeled “Mildred” for easy identification when the time comes. 


1 Comment

  1. Nana said,

    June 11, 2007 at 1:15 pm

    blowing up figures, like father, like son, like grandson, a little 4th of July tradition

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