Friends

I just wanted to take a moment to say thank you – Jen, Mike , Gabe and now beautiful Evie.

I don’t know how I let my life get out of control. One minute I had my own home, money, a relationship, and many friends I considered my family. I don’t know how I got sidetracked. I don’t know how I let a co-dependent relationship and the eagerness to be loved begin to control all parts of my life. Not caring who I hurt including myself, only wanting to please her, not caring what bills got paid or didn’t – until it was all too late. Little trips here and there, gifts, paying expenses at her home. I’d waited 7 years for have a “relatioship” with her and I was going the distance to make sure I did everything to make her stay. All of the sudden I was drowning. Lie upon lie, dollar for this and that, just to keep her in that spot of being happy. Until we both realized too late it had nothing to do with what I GAVE. And she left. Reality brought me back down with depression. I looked around at all that was waiting at my door and was terrified. The calls started coming in for money, the notices on my door, threats to take my new car, mail. The only escape I had was being at work and even that wasn’t going well. I was out of control. And instead of going to those that loved me, those that I claimed as my family, instead of trusting they would help me and still love me for my errors, I did the unthinkable. I lied , stole, and took anything I liked about myself and disposed of it. It STILL makes me ill to think I would stoop so low. That wasn’t me. I would never hurt my friends. I would never misuse that trust. Who was that?? Ugh. That one laspe of judgement cost me dearly. I miss them and I will never have that trust and friendship back.

But in my darkest of moments I was NOT alone. I was not abandoned. You loved me, scolded me , held me, supported me, listened to me, allowed me to stay in your home, opened your hearts even wider and stuck by me. Even though I did not deserve it. Thank you Mike and Jen for all that you are in my life. Thank you for giving me the chance to prove I AM still the Michele that everyone use to love. Thank you for hearing my heart when I say I am sorry I let you down and it wont’ happen again. Thank you for loving me still. Thank you for not throwing 12 years of friendship out the door because I had a moment of desperation. I love you both.

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4 Comments

  1. Brenda said,

    September 28, 2007 at 9:57 am

    Oh, Michele…I never asked what the circumstances were behind you moving in with Jen and Mike…and I’m so sorry to hear that it was so hard all around. 😐 *hugs* We are all indeed fortunate to call this wonderful family friends…or as I’d like to think of my really good friends…FAMILY of choice. πŸ˜€

  2. Michele said,

    September 28, 2007 at 10:18 am

    😦 Thank you, Bren.

  3. Jenifer said,

    September 28, 2007 at 7:17 pm

    Michele – We have all made mistakes in our lives. We have all done things that we’ve regretted later. You cannot change the past, you just need to learn from it. Having you in our home has been a blessing for us. We’ve had help during some very difficult times and I don’t know how we would have made it work without you there.

  4. Cris said,

    September 29, 2007 at 5:21 am

    πŸ˜₯ HUGS!!


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