A new day is dawning..

…or at least I’m hoping that is the case.  Once again folks I’m back on the wagon.  My focus has shifted though.  In the past I’ve always focused on the calories and the food and not so much the exercise.  You see, I hate exercise.  I don’t like to be sweaty.  I also become very self conscious.  I’m an obese woman in a fitness center.  It isn’t pretty.  For reference all you skinny folks out there…don’t ever look at an obese woman and think, “Doesn’t she know what she looks like?  Doesn’t it bother her?  Doesn’t she want to be healthier?” because the answer is yes, yes and yes.

But I digress.  This time I’m really trying to embrace the need to be physical and make physical changes.  That doesn’t mean I’m eating like hell and then going to the gym.  I’m watching the food too but focusing more on the exercise.  I know several woman who weren’t fitness fiends but somehow managed to find their inner fitness goddess along the way.  I want to find my inner fitness goddess.  I want to not hate doing it.  I would actually like to look forward to it.

It hasn’t been easy.  I’m on a medication, that impacts my digestive system.  Whenever I change my diet, either for the good or for the bad it seems to have a very difficult time adjusting.  The result is some serious bouts of nausea.  This morning, I hadn’t eaten anything.  I couldn’t.  My stomach was rolling.  Then, it finally stopped but not for long.  A co-worker stopped by with muffins for everyone.  I ate half of a blueberry muffin thinking I was over it and drank some water and within an hour I was heaving my guts out in the bathroom.  This isn’t the first time for me vomiting at work because of my meds and I’m sure it won’t be my last.  I always worry about getting caught though.  What if someone thinks I’m actually ill and spreading my stomach flu around the office?  What if they think I’m bulimic?  So far it has gone unnoticed but it is a matter of time, I guess.

Again, I digress…my point is that it is especially hard to make it to the gym when I feel like puking.  For the past 3 days though, I’ve made it to the fitness center every day and done some additional fitness activities at home and probably about 50% of those activities were accomplished while I was feeling physically ill.  I feel good about that.  I feel like if I can do this then maybe I won’t let all the stupid excuses keep me from doing what I need to do.

At any rate, wish me luck.  This is only day 3 but it is off to a good start.


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